Don’t be afraid or
Alone.
Sun blazes embers through eye corners
“You too are human, even though you’re mad,”
He says softly through radiation.
Like a vivid hyperbole
The sun plunged into April’s freshness
And stumbled from open windows
With a voice of happiness
And fear.
“Don’t deny me; you’ll know I will find you.”
A feverish jauntiness
Obliquely reeling shrieks
Like a refugee forever on the run
But the sun is always
Watching.
Staring back at the existential abyss
That haunts me so and trying
To grab from it a sense of self
Half wanting to keep walking
Half asleep only
Half looking at it in times
***
This poem was a bit spontaneous. And unedited. So I'm sorry if it's not super good. I might edit it later, and make a series poem out of it. We'll find out.
Over the past few days I've been listening to a musical called Next to Normal, which is about a woman who has bipolar disorder and hallucinations and how it affects her life and that of her family's (I don't want to give any spoilers if any of you want to listen/see it on your own. I know I already told Sam how it goes). It's really intense actually. I really appreciate modern musicals covering topics that are more controversial: Rent, Spring Awakening, Equus, and Hair to name a few others.
Recent days I feel like I am going insane with all the work I'm doing and all the food and sleep I'm not getting. I suppose I'm not actually going crazy, but it certainly feels like it.
In the poem, the sun is suppose to be the craziness because it's always with you when you're awake. It's a part of your every day. And it burns and it's everywhere. And then the abyss is the change, getting help. I suppose that once you get into a routine, it's scary to have a change. Especially when the changes mean medication or therapy. People aren't defined by their problems of course, but it's scary to think about that the person that you think you are, isn't who you actually are (?). Are my words making sense?
Lemme know you're opinions and things. Hope you all have a great week. I'll try and post another poem soon-ish. Godspeed. ~Sarah
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