Tyler Knott Gregson: Untitled

Tyler Knott Gregson is someone who I discovered through Tumblr by seeing one of his love poems. The vast majority of his poems are love poems and the sad, lonely hearts of Tumblr love him all the more for it. As someone who wouldn't necessarily call love poems their thing I can't deny that his stuff on love really is truly fantastic. Tyler Knott Gregson is someone who deeply understands love in all of its forms, and I would highly reccommend any of his works, although forewarning that you will have intense feelings of all kinds. A lot of time my breath catches in my throat reading some of his stuff, not going to lie. 

Sam and I are discussing doing a week of just love poems, and if that's the case then you'll probably see him again from me, but I don't really want to talk about love at the moment, I think.

I like this poem but I'm not sure if I completely understand it. What exactly is the swimming supposed to be? As previously stated a lot of his stuff is about love, so swimming could be falling in love, except then what does that make the treading water? If the treading water is living life, just getting by, then what exactly does that make the swimming? 

Something about the swimming is taking risks, I feel like I know that much, especially given the "trying to keep your head above the water" line. There's trying to float and then there's keeping your head above water- the latter definitely has the anxious connotation of trying not to drown. There's a sense of danger there that's kind of carried over to the swimming part. 

And swimming is kind of dangerous, especially with how terrifying drowning would be. My mom's deathly afraid of water- has never gone swimming, never been in the ocean, can be in a pool, but not comfortably and especially not at a point where she can't stand with plenty of room between her head and the water. I used to be thankful I didn't inherit that, except now that I don't swim all that much and I need to learn how to drive and probably have her driving anxiety, I think I've changed my mind. It comes up fairly often in Would You Rather stuff if you'd rather drown or be burned alive, and I always choose being burned alive. I've had people tell me that burning would be so much more painful and so much worse and you'd be watching your flesh melt but at the same time, drowning just seems terrible. I don't have my Mom's fear of the water, but I can appreciate the sheer terror of drowning.

(In my opinion the worst way to die is Death by Molasses, by the way. It's like drowning except worse, because molasses.)

Yet we shouldn't forget how much we love to swim. Swimming is a risk of not swallowing water or knocking yourself unconscious or a million other things that can go wrong when you're underwater, but it's a freeing experience of propelling yourself and cutting through liquid and floating and it's something that we should keep doing. Whatever swimming is supposed to represent here, our lives should still have a measure of risk in it. There's something comparable between the feeling of zipping across a pool underwater and the feeling of taking risks. In Brave New World the Savage complains of no love, no hurt, and how are these people living with no risk? Mustafa Mond calmly explains that monthly or so citizens have their blood flushed with endorphins and adrenaline and then flushed out, and they merrily go about their lives. They realized that the sense of risk was necessary, but took care of it in other ways.

So may we never forget how much we truly love to swim or to take risks, for that matter.

Waiting

I have seen thousands of beautiful things

But only the ugly has ever felt real

Some nights I dream of Niagra Falls like

I am more than a floodgate waiting to break

Face-first towards the bottoms of hotel pools

Convincing myself in the way we try to dream with eyes open

Then I would learn to soar before

Rock bottom broke my bones

This world is marked by seven wonders
and seven billion broken hearts,
each playing cat’s cradle with fraying ties
and praying that perfect comes to those
who wait and wait and wait.
I grow an ounce more impatient
each time my toes touch the scale.

I drink for the aftertaste,
the bitter notes I can’t define and
the feeling I’ll get in seventeen years when
I hear tonight’s song on the oldies station
and convince myself in the way we try
to drown when we are swimming
that it’s stuck in my head and
far too pretty to escape.

Maybe in seventeen years I’ll sleep easy

And skip rocks across water with lights in my eyes

And a flick in my wrist to say swim

Maybe I’ll have learned by then

That it’s lovely to search for perfection

In the way children play midday hide and seek

And pretend it is more than a game

Maybe I will find myself

If I wait and wait and wait

Within the past month, the amount of job applications that I've submitted is almost astounding to me and now I'm in the phase of simply waiting for a reply. And literally it's driving me insane. I'm one of those people who really likes to plan ahead and know what's going on all the time so I can be prepared. And I'm sure we have all experienced this feeling. Waiting for a college acceptance, waiting for a job, waiting for Friday to come, waiting for summer break, waiting for an opportunity, waiting for "the one."

And it's just so damn easy to slip into wanting to give up. Many times have I thought of giving up on school work, giving up on people, giving up on life. But these are not good options, let me tell you. As dreadful as sitting in anticipation, getting worked up and depressed about a situation doesn't make you feel better about the situation or about yourself. When treading across the ocean, it's not an easy decision to choose to drown, that's not what I'm saying. But to be able to get what you want, to get what you deserve, to get what you've been working for, then you gotta keep on keeping on and swim harder, even if it means swimming in a different direction towards a different goal. 

Let me get off my soap box, sorry. 

This poem does have a lot of water motifs as you probably noticed. I'm from Maine and the ocean and water is a big part of my life and I really love it. During a storm, the ocean is always really rough and yet there are always a few surfers out there making the best of it. Plus after the storm, the water is so clear, so beautiful. Plus there's a bunch of shells and sea glass that you can then collect. There's also quite a bit of my childhood in here, especially the times with my sister. Whenever we go to dance competitions  we swam in the hotel pools with the other dancers and it was always really fun. Me and my sister also learned how to do cat's cradle so that we can do it with our eyes closed. We also really like listening to the oldies station: her favorite artist is Frank Sinatra (yeah, she's super classy for a 13 year old). She's one of my reasons why I keep on keepin' on, and everyone should have that. I think I might call her this weekend, I do miss her so.

I didn't mean for this to be so long and I doubt anyone has read all the way to the end. But if you have, thank you for listening to my rambling. Til next time. Godspeed. ~Sarah